Outside of Me

Everlastingly...
I a held.
While....
Little hearts reach to me, desperate for love.
Small hands grasp, looking for mine to hold.
In a beautiful mess I became clean.
Empty eyes stare, wondering why I'm different.
Hoarse voices scream, trying to be heard.
Blind minds churn, searching for something to save them.
Exhausted bodies run, until they find the one,
Who made the Beautiful Mess.

Old and Forgotten....

Worn bricks and peeling paint sing their forgotten song...
Begging me to remember even if the time has been long.
How long have they been this way?
Empty eyes stare as we pass on along,
pleading for me to sing their forgotten song...

Our Beautiful Mess....

A Beautiful Mess of....
Broken eyes...
Blinded..
By Satan's lies.
Constant insecurities thrive.
Deaf ears...
Damaged..
Done in, by voiced fears.
Even the truth can't get under our thick skin.
For lost sheep there's only one Savior..
God.
He makes our mess, beautiful.

True Freedom

These cell walls are closing in.
Chains cutting into my fragile skin.
Deadly, lieing eyes stare into my soul,
Drawing from me like a well.
Who can save me from Hell?.......... 
In that instant....
He appeared.
Glory and love personified.
He took the strike meant for me, shed the blood that should have poured from my veins. 
For the first time, I have open eyes.
He truly loves me.
Finally, I love Him too.
My cell door is now suddenly,
Open......
And I walk free.
Straight into His everlasting arms.

Adventures Under an Autumn Sun

We raced past forests of trees before finally arriving just before noon, my skin started to prickle with excitement, the SUV rolled to a stop in front of a quaint little cabin in the mountains of Payson, Arizona. My legs wobbled threatening to give as I stood up from two hours of sitting like a cheap folding chair in the very back seat. But still separating me from all my adventures was an old, white washed picket fence. After swinging my legs up and over the obstacle, I came to stand in front of what I would call paradise on earth. Lush green grass grew where the mud wouldn’t form; tall trees with cascading branches and leaves swayed in the same cool breeze that playfully ruffled my own dark brown hair. The bright autumn sun was shining down on my bare shoulders, sinking its golden rays into the deepest parts of me and managing to warm my very soul and set my spirit free. Lazily flowing past, an endless river temptingly glittered under the sun’s soft rays. I suddenly longed to sink my sore feet into its crystalline water and let go of all the fear that was inside me. Although I wanted to simply play in the beauty around me, my best friend--who is more like a sister to me—was helping her dad unpack lunch and my stomach growled savagely signaling me that I hadn’t yet eaten.
 

In that moment, nothing felt better than to sit under a weeping willow tree on a solid, white, wooden swinging bench, eating my turkey sandwich, sipping some raspberry soda, and watching my good friends do the same. I wondered why it would weep, while planted here in such spender. Birds were flitting around playing their own games of tag. The intoxicating peace and freedom of this place was filling my entire being, changing me in an I-will-never-be-the-same kind of way. My friend’s older brother was walking through the tall grass looking for nothing in particular. I watched as he bent down to get a closer look at something out of my vision. That’s when he called up to us, “come look guys, I found a snake!” Of course, when we finally climbed down the dirt overhang, the snake was nowhere to be found. While I was standing there, the water started to call to me, inviting me into its cool depths.
 

The moment my skin met the water, shivers raced along my spine rising goose bumps on my arms, but there was no time to stall because a blond girl with a big smile had my arm and was pulling me further into the icy current. I was set on packing as much fun into the few precious hours we had, so I went splashing ahead of her, sending tiny droplets flying through the air around me. A boy was calling me over to where he was standing on the other shore. When I reached him, he took my arm and led me to a spot where the mud looked deep and inviting. He then positioned himself so that he was standing right beside me in the mud. Almost immediately we sank ankle deep in gooey, gritty goodness. That wasn’t enough though, so we wiggled our way deeper and deeper into the mud and eventually, we ended up thigh deep. For a long while we just stayed there, thigh deep in the cold mud, talking about our lives. What our plans were for high school, our favorite things, and our most memorable moments. Just as our conversation started to die, the water began to lap up against my legs, soaking my shorts and freezing my already numb body. So with some assistance, I was freed from the mud’s frigid grasp, and went off in search of a large sunlight rock to defrost my legs. I went over to a bulky boulder in the center of the river where My friend was sitting watching her brother fish. I laid there on that rock, soaking up the sun like a sun deprived turtle, for who knows how long. I wanted to freeze time, and watch the clouds chase each other across the wide blue sky, forever. While the river whispered its secrets in my ear I thought about what life would be like, if I could fly like the birds or swim like the fish. After my clothes were dry I wadded back to shore, very carefully so I wouldn’t get wet all over again. We all then continued up to the loft of the cabin that had a front row seat to all of my fun adventures, where there was a lonely looking full sized ping-pong table awaiting us. So ping-pong challenges arose and battles were fought. All the while a glassy eyed predator watched us with a greedy gaze, the predator of course was a stuffed mountain lion but he didn’t strike any fear into our light hearts.
 

All of the freedom, fun and antics were bound to end at some point. Those hours spent shouting, splashing, soaking up sun, and just being completely free teenagers had come and gone. They had changed something in me, molded me into a less controlling spirit. Those hours will never be forgotten because they left a special sunlit mark on my heart. As we calmly sauntered back up to the picket fence I longed for more, more fun splashing through shallow waters, more tender moments talking about life, and more time to conquering the ping-pong table. That one last look back at the sparkling river, one last touch from the warm mountain sun, one last brush from the boundless wind, infused me with a new sense of peace. An endless, fathomless, calm that I would have never found without those hours spent in the autumn sun of Payson, Arizona.

The Treasure Chest of Heaven...

     A few years back, I was sitting on the back deck of my family's mountain cabin. Mostly talking to myself and the stars, but my dad, sister, and mama happened to be sitting outside with me when God gave me a mental metaphor of heaven. So, as I looked up at the stars I said, " Dad, heaven is really like one big treasure chest isn't it." He asked me to clarify. So i explained what I was thinking, while gazing up at a little piece of my God. God only shows us a little bit of what heaven will be like at a time right? So I thought of how when you look through the key hole of a treasure chest you only will see a small piece of whatever treasure lays inside. You have no idea exactly what treasure is inside the chest until you find the right key and open it. The key hole isn't going to get any bigger because you want it to, no amount of will power of yours will widen your view of the treasure. God can give you a bigger piece to see, and when He does that you cling closer to Him for giving you such amazing hope. Such an amazing place to look forward to, an amazing new place to call home.

Girlz got skills- posted by mom

I've started this blog for Baylee so that she would always be encouraged to write. Since I started journaling back and forth with her she has blossomed into a beautiful writer. She pours her heart out onto the page, being real, transparent. Sometimes it scares me, but most of the time it moves me. Moves me to realize how much she loves Jesus and trust God with her life. Scares me to know she is out in the world. I want to keep her in a little jewel box all to myself, but she belongs to God and I have to share her. So..... here she goes. Pray for her. Pray for both of us!